Stop Yelling at Your Kids: Effective Communication Strategies for Parents

Parenting is a tough job. Apart from bathing, feeding, nourishing, and caring, parents also need to discipline the kid. And that is the trickiest part. In most Indian families, parents yell or spank the kid to teach a lesson. But researchers are saying that yelling at your kid is the worst idea ever. Though yelling may quiet the child, it does not help correct their behavior rather it makes them feel insecure in their own home. In this blog, I will be sharing the dark and deep impact of yelling on a child’s psychology and ways to quit yelling at your kid!

Also Read: 5 simple tips for highly sensitive people – Emotional Immunity

Yelling at your kid does not work

The research concluded that raising your voice does not make your message clearer rather it makes you look scary and out of control. It imbibes fear in the child and breaks their self-esteem. Not just that, in sensitive kids, yelling and verbal abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse.   Some studies have also revealed that Yelling may yield temporary results like shutting the child for a while, but it won’t help correct their behaviour or alter their attitude. 

What happens when you yell at your kid?

Depending on the child’s personality, your yelling will yield a different impact. And mind you, none of that will be in your favour. Some kids will mirror your aggression and behave the same to get things their way. Sensitive kids may show signs of withdrawal and feel insecure around you. They would look forward to talking to their peers or teachers, rather than their parents. 

Short-term effects

Here are some of the short-term effects of yelling at a child:

• Aggression
• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Social problems
• Withdrawal from the parent

Long-term effects

1. Yelling changes their brain’s wiring

This is scientifically proven that yelling and other harsh parenting techniques can hamper your child’s brain development. Children who are frequently yelled at, their mind, body and brain change. 

Studies reported yelling causes an increase in activity in the child’s emotional brain. It also spikes their stress hormone and heightened their muscular tension. This can have a very devastating impact on the child’s brain.

2. Yelling at kids can push them into depression

Kids are very sensitive, insecure and scared. A 2010 study showed that parental verbal abuse during childhood increases the risk of developing mental health disorders including anxiety disorders, depression, mood issues. 

In some kids, depression can lead to self-destructive actions in teens. Such kids are more prone to doing drugs, engaging in risky sexual activity, bullying and even attempting suicide. 

3. Yelling hampers their physical health

If there is one thing that every parent is concerned about, then it is the child’s physical well-being. But yelling and verbal abuse create psychological stress. This psychological stress makes them more susceptible to chronic diseases of ageing.

A recent study found a link between negative childhood experiences and the development of chronic pain, in later stages of life. This includes arthritis, migraine, headaches, back and neck problems and other painful conditions.

4. Yelling is a bond breaker

How would you feel about someone who yells, abuses and devalues you? Would you like to talk to that person? Would you trust that person? If your answer is no, then you know how your kid sees you?

Kids who are yelled at by parents don’t feel safe near their parents. Hurtful insults hurled at a screaming voice deeply damage the child’s mental health. And the worst part is that you cannot even see that. Just remember, with every episode of yelling, you are just pushing your kid away from you. 

5. Yelling impacts their school performance

If you are yelling at your kid for better marks, then your yelling is the thing that’s hampering the kid’s performance. A recent study revealed that yelling, screaming or other harsh methods of discipline result in poor school achievements, behavioural problems and concentration conflicts. 

Another study revealed that yelling at a child has a similar effect as that of physical punishment. Further, children who are verbally abused have a hard time understanding and processing their own emotions. This mould an unstable personality and impacts their personal growth too!

How to quit yelling at your kid?

Before giving out these tips on how to quit yelling at your kid, I shared the reasons why you must stop yelling at the little one. Your one episode of emotional outburst can skew their entire thought process and if you are a regular yeller, then know that you are causing irreversible damage to that little one!

The effects of your yelling on a child’s health are as bad as smoking cigarettes!

Now that you know why you must not yell at the kid, here are the tips to conquer the how –

1. Take a timeout

Kids are meant to behave like kids. They will do things that can enrage you. But next time, when you feel your blood boiling in those veins, step away. Silence is always better than bitter words. Take a time out to cool down, breathe deeply and approach the matter with a rational mind. This also helps the kid to learn, how to manage their own emotions better.

2. Track your triggers

If you yell at your kid, then make a note, what pushes you off the border? In most cases, yelling is a response to something stressful or agitating. Making yourself aware of these situations will help you deal in better ways. 

3. Encourage open communication

Anger is a natural human feeling and it can be managed properly. If you behave angrily then make sure to apologize to your kid. Then try to explain why you behaved the way you did. This helps your child develop a respectful attitude, and they will treat you with the same empathy. When your treat your kids with respect they tend to return the same. 

4. Get down to their eye level 

Little kids can be easily intimidated and if you stand above their head shouting and screaming, all they see is a monster. So, rather than speaking to them from high up or far away, come close to them and get down to their eye level. Be their friend and help them resolve the little conflicts.

5. Educate Yourself

Your child is a new learner but remembers you are new to parenting too. Read articles, blogs and books that talk about parenting. Like after reading this blog, you know what we perceive as a harmless parenting technique can have such a devastating impact. Going forward, every time, you feel angry, you will be thinking about this!

6. Keep your expectations low and real

The only thing that should matter to you is your kid’s happiness. Results and marks should not be your main concern when it comes to gauging your kid. If you are raising a happy, confident kid in an environment free of conflict and chaos, then that kid is more likely to be successful in life!

7. Heal Your Wounds

Many times, we yell not because of someone else’s mistake but because of our own pain. If you have anger issues or are suffering from some kind of mental or physical issue, then make sure to seek professional help. 

8. Release Stress Through Exercise

Parents who are stressed are more likely to yell at their kids. So, if your day has been very stressful then make sure to release that stress through yoga, prayer, meditation, mindfulness. Even deep breathing, walking or listening to music can improve your mood.

Other tips that you can work on

• Put your hands under running water whenever the kid makes you mad.
• Commit to a respectful tone of voice.
• Teach your kid only when you are calm.
• Find entertaining and engaging ways to teach your kid.
• Talk to your kid with the same respect and dignity you expect from them.
• Consider them as an integral member of the family and make sure to respect their opinions too.
• Never forget to seek forgiveness. You will be teaching them a very important life lesson.
• Always see the bigger picture.
• Encourage them for their right behaviour.

Conclusion

Yelling is not the right way of parenting. There has never been a positive outcome of a negative event. So, next time you feel the urge to yell at your kid, take a few steps back, count till 10, take a deep breath and force a smile.

Research shows that children who have a strong emotional connection to their parents are easier to discipline. When the kid feels safe and unconditionally loved, they would respond better to their parents.