Sexual anxiety is very common, especially if it’s your first time.
But did you know that sexual anxiety is also very prevalent among men and women of all ages, irrespective of their experience? Most people don’t talk about these things because of embarrassment or lack of awareness. But sexuality in a marriage is also a common problem.
Sex is meant to be pleasurable, a stress-buster. But for many, it is the very reason for anxiety. If it’s your performance anxiety, then with experience, this would wane. But in many cases, sexual anxiety stems from deeper reasons.
Insecurity is the biggest reason for sexual anxiety. Poor body image, a problematic relationship, early ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and the small size of the penis are some of the reasons for sexual anxiety. Past traumatic experiences or negative perceptions about sex can also result in sexual anxiety in both men and women.
In addition to that, stress at work, personal crises, health conditions, and other such factors can also result in a lack of interest and sexual anxiety.
Signs of sexual anxiety
Sexual anxiety is much prevalent in our society in both men and women. But many people fail to recognize and address the issue in the right way. Here are some signs of sexual anxiety that you must look out for –
In Women
- Difficulty in getting aroused
- No interest in sex
- Low libido
- No natural lubrication
- Difficulty getting an orgasm
In men
- Difficulty getting an erection
- Difficulty in keeping an erection
- Early ejaculation
- Late orgasm
Identifying sexual anxiety
A few days back, a 37-year-old man came to my clinic. He started with his upset stomach issues and then revealed that he actually came for sexual counseling. I asked him to elaborate on what his problem was and he explained that he was still a virgin and now that he was going to get married, he was not confident at all about his sexual prowess. He keeps avoiding private meetings with the girl and this is causing a rift between the two.
This is not an uncommon scenario!
Impact of sexual anxiety
Sexual anxiety not only affects your performance in bed, but it can severely affect your relationships, your mental health as well as your physical health. There are several studies that have documented the negative side effects of sexual anxiety.
Sexual anxiety can affect your relationships
Performance anxiety or sexual anxiety can significantly affect your relationship with your partner. If you do not communicate your sexual anxiety with your partner, then it can result in misunderstandings, frustration, lack of trust, and other such issues.
Decreased intimacy with your partner
Though intimacy is beyond sex, sex does play a big role in bringing couples closer. Individuals with sexual anxiety may tend to avoid sexual interactions altogether. This can eventually result in a distance between the pair where they lack physical and emotional intimacy.
Poor mental health
Sexual anxiety can also result in poor mental health. It is often associated with feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, low self-esteem, and negative self-image. This can eventually take a toll on your mental health. Your partner may also feel confused, betrayed, frustrated, and rejected.
Sexual anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms
If left unaddressed, sexual anxiety can result in chronic pain, inflammatory diseases, and an increased risk of heart disease. It can also result in high blood pressure, diabetes, and several other chronic diseases. Sexual anxiety can also impair your immune system.
Overcoming Sexual Anxiety
Sexual anxiety is a tough battle and keeps you from enjoying good pleasurable sex. However, there are several strategies that can help you overcome your sexual anxiety. I often advise the following tips to my patients –
Understand your anxiety
The first step towards fighting your sexual anxiety is – understanding the root cause. Whether your anxiety is stemming from relationship issues, poor body image, or past trauma, you need to identify the cause. Once you know the cause, you can work with a therapist or counselor to overcome the issues.
If poor body image is your main concern, then taking care of your body can help. You need to understand your anxiety and identify your triggers. Documenting your thoughts or maintaining a journal can help you do this.
Know your body
Your body has a certain way of responding to stimuli. So, before going for a sexual encounter, you must explore your body and understand what works and what does not work for you.
You should be able to communicate this to your partner openly and without fear of judgment. Building that space in your relationship can go a long way. It will also help in reducing your performance anxiety.
Work on intimacy
If you are suffering from performance anxiety, then hiding it from your partner is the worst idea. Build intimacy with your partner by engaging in meaningful conversations. Tell them what you are going through and give them the resources to understand your problem.
If necessary go for couple’s therapy and understand the problem at length. During tough times, you don’t run away from your partner, you should hold on to them tighter. This vulnerability can help in making your relationship stronger.
Ease the tension with sexual touch
Sex is often a play of the mind rather than the body, especially for women. Many men too feel the same way. So, if you or your partner is going through sexual anxiety, then work on it by developing the bond with sexual touch.
This might mean a gentle hug, a pat on the back, doing something for your significant other, or expressing love in their language. Everyone has a unique love language and it’s essential to understand each other’s love language.
Don’t hesitate to visit a doctor
Book an appointment with a counselor or a sex therapist. They can help you understand your problems and teach you effective steps to reduce your anxiety. There are also several techniques that can help you gain control over your mind and body.
At times, a lack of sexual desires can also be a symptom of underlying conditions like diabetes or thyroid. Thus, visiting a doctor and getting your parameters checked can help in the early diagnosis of your condition.
Exercise
Exercise not only helps in improving your body image, but it can also help regulate your hormones, increase your endurance and boost your confidence. This can help in improving your self-esteem and result in better sexual performance.
Exercising for even 20-30 minutes every day can help in boosting your overall well-being. It also aids in reducing stress, improving sleep, and combating sexual issues.
Be patient
If you are suffering from sexual anxiety, then patience should be your best friend. Don’t rush into things and don’t criticize yourself for the things you are going through. Listen to music, distract yourself, and work on the issues. It is important to take your mind off your sexual anxiety.
Home Techniques to combat performance anxiety
- Try guided meditations, mindfulness, and yoga.
- Pranayama may also help in relieving anxiety.
- Opt for online couples’ counseling.
- Get sexual education.
- Strengthen your bond with your partner.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is sexual anxiety, and why does it occur?
Sexual anxiety refers to feelings of worry, fear, or stress related to sexual activities or performance. It can arise due to various factors, including past negative experiences, performance pressure, body image concerns, relationship issues, or even societal expectations surrounding sex.
How does sexual anxiety affect sexual experiences?
Sexual anxiety can significantly impact sexual experiences by causing physical and emotional discomfort, difficulty achieving arousal or orgasm, and a general sense of dissatisfaction or lack of enjoyment. It may also lead to avoidance of sexual encounters or a decline in sexual desire.
Are there any common symptoms of sexual anxiety?
Yes, common symptoms of sexual anxiety can include rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, negative thoughts, self-doubt, difficulty focusing, muscle tension, and even panic attacks. These symptoms can manifest both before and during sexual encounters.
What can I do to manage sexual anxiety on my own?
Managing sexual anxiety often involves a combination of self-help strategies. Some helpful techniques include practicing deep breathing exercises, focusing on mindfulness and relaxation, challenging negative thoughts, communicating openly with your partner, exploring and understanding your own desires, and gradually exposing yourself to sexual situations to build confidence over time.
Can professional therapy be beneficial for managing sexual anxiety?
Absolutely. Seeking the help of a qualified therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual issues can be highly beneficial. They can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore underlying causes of sexual anxiety, offer guidance on coping strategies, and assist in improving communication and intimacy within relationships.
How can communication with my partner help alleviate sexual anxiety?
Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial when dealing with sexual anxiety. Sharing your feelings, concerns, and desires can foster understanding and empathy. It can also help create a supportive environment where both partners can work together to find solutions and enhance sexual experiences.
Can physical exercise and a healthy lifestyle help reduce sexual anxiety?
Yes, incorporating regular physical exercise into your routine can have a positive impact on managing sexual anxiety. Exercise promotes the release of endorphins, which can improve mood and reduce anxiety. Additionally, maintaining a healthy lifestyle through proper nutrition, adequate sleep, and stress management can contribute to overall well-being and help alleviate sexual anxiety.
Are there any relaxation techniques that can be useful for reducing sexual anxiety?
Yes, relaxation techniques can be highly effective in reducing sexual anxiety. Examples include progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, meditation, and sensual massages. Engaging in these practices can help relax the body and mind, alleviate tension, and promote a more positive and calm sexual experience.
Can self-education about sexuality help in managing sexual anxiety?
Absolutely. Educating yourself about sexuality, including understanding the normal range of sexual experiences, exploring different techniques, and learning about consent and communication, can help demystify and normalize sexual encounters. This knowledge can boost confidence and reduce anxiety by providing a solid foundation for informed decision-making and sexual exploration.
Is it important to be patient with yourself when managing sexual anxiety?
Absolutely. Managing sexual anxiety is a process that takes time and patience. Remember that it’s normal to experience occasional anxiety, and it doesn’t define your worth or ability to have fulfilling sexual experiences. Be kind to yourself, celebrate progress, and seek support when needed. With perseverance and self-compassion, you can navigate and manage sexual anxiety, ultimately leading to a more satisfying and enjoyable sex life.
Your takeaway
Sexual anxiety is a common issue among many people, both men and women. It can impact your relationship, confidence, and mental wellness. It can also result in stress, frustration, embarrassment, and shame. That’s why, discussing such sensitive topics is very important. Only when you open up, you will get the necessary support and direction.
Try to understand the cause, identify your triggers and build effective strategies to combat performance anxiety. If you still have a problem, then feel free to book counseling and get your journey to recovery started!
