Relationship Goals: 7 Simple Ingredients of Setting Couple Goals

Several studies have cited that your health, happiness, and success depend on the relationship you share with your partner. That’s why setting relationship goals is very important for a fulfilling life.

Your spouse can greatly affect the decisions you make, determine your quality of relationships with others, your constant mood at home, your stress levels, and much more. As such it is not only important to choose the right partner but also to constantly make an effort and work on your relationship.

Though every relationship is bound to go through its unique ups and downs, setting healthy relationship goals can help you create a happy space in your relationship. Simple acts like being kind and empathetic to each other, talking to each other, and finding out things that you have in common, and common expectations can make you a power couple.

What are relationship goals?

We often see the #relationshipgoals trending on social media sites, but there are only a few couples that truly understand what couple goals mean. Relationship goals are far beyond twinning your dresses or going on exotic vacations. 

So what exactly are relationship goals?

Though people come together because of love and compatibility, sustaining a relationship requires more than that. Successful relations are those in which both people evolve together, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and intellectually. 

Setting a couple of goals together is one way to ensure that you are growing together. 

Why are relationship goals important?

With so many variables surrounding our life, relationships are bound to go through ups and downs. Having relationship goals is one way to ensure that you both are on the same page. These goals will help both partners to share a common vision and work towards achieving it like true partners.

Here are some of the scientific benefits of setting relationship goals –

• It improves communication between partners where both of you know what are the priorities. 
• Couple goals are crucial in building trust as you know you are walking towards a common vision.
• Setting short-term and long-term goals will help you plan your future together. 

7 Relationship Goals:  Setting and Achieving Goals as a Couple

Goals of strong communication

Communication is one of the most important pillars of a healthy relationship. 

Imagine a relationship where couples struggle to talk to each other. This relationship will be a breeding ground of unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, and no shared vision. Such a relationship is bound to bring a sense of emptiness in one or both partners.  

A young couple got married to each after dating for a few months. The boy had a good job and the girl was smart, they were of the same caste and status. So, it seemed like a perfect match. However, after a few months of marriage, the couple discovered they did not have much in common. 

The girl loved engaging in deep conversations, sharing emotions, and openness. While the boy loved to live in the moment. He felt bored when she talked and she felt unheard. The boy was never open to discussing finance or plans. This made her feel vulnerable. His way of addressing issues was to throw a carpet on them but she was solution-oriented. 

This resulted in a pile of unresolved issues. Slowly, the love was lost, mutual respect was gone and fights began to creep in. Nothing in the marriage was working except being tied by the societal knot. 

How to improve communication between couples?

• Listening is a skill and it is very important to listen to your partner. 
• Never give a cold shoulder when your partner tells you about something that made them upset.
• Do not avoid discussing crucial issues by saying ‘I’m fine’.
• Create a judgment-free zone when your partner feels safe to share anything.
• Spend some time every day talking to each other.

Love each other unconditionally

The second pillar of a healthy and robust relationship is unconditional love. 

Unconditional love means loving without expectations. It means putting someone else’s needs before yours. It is the key to building a secure relationship that feels like a safe space. If you can build an unconditional bond between you and your partner, then your relationship can get through any situation. 

I have heard many wives complain, their husband does not do anything for them – he does not help them with the dishes or the kids. He is always busy with work. Some wives also say that their husbands do not gift them expensive items like they used to or they do not take them out like before. 

This goes the other way around too. Many husbands too have a similar set of complaints. My wife does not understand me or she does not respect me. She does not make good food for me and she does not take good care of the house or my mother. My wife does not give me space. The list is endless.

Well, firstly, understand that complaining will bring you no solution. You should talk to each other and if things still do not change then remember the formula of unconditional love.

More than half of these trivial troubles can be sorted by hiring a good maid. So, think of better solutions rather than seeing each other in low light. Do not pressurize the other person just because you are married. This is a very important ingredient of happy marriages.

How to develop unconditional love between couples?

• Practice open communication so that the needs of both partners can be met.
• Never bring power dynamics into your marriage. Both partners should feel equal, independent, and free.
• Never attempt to change your partner, rather help them grow, evolve and become better by supporting them.
• Don’t get your love buried under the blanket of unrealistic expectations.
• Practice forgiveness even when your partner hurts you or makes a mistake.
• See your partner’s flaws and help your partner overcome them.

Build your love language

Having a love language is another important pillar of a healthy relationship.

Your love language could be anything, like greeting each other with good morning and good night with a kiss. It can also be physical touch in the form of holding hands, hugs, or kisses. Cuddling, gifting, praising, or appreciating, are all different love languages.

Discovering your love language is very important as it not just helps strengthen your bond and forms a habit. But it also helps you understand when your partner is not okay. In our busy walk of life, we may easily miss seeing the pain and agony in the eyes of our loved partner. Having a love language will help you see when your partner is not okay!

I met a couple who has been married for 35 years, but they always seem much in love. When I speak to them, I can feel the energy in the bond they share. So, when I asked them what is the secret of their love – they said, ‘We have developed our love language. We give each other the warmth of physical touch. We make sure to spend some quality time no matter how hectic the day is. Both of us pamper each other with gifts. These little things have formed a strong base for our relationship to bloom’. 

How to develop your love language?

• Establish small things in your daily routine.
• Go out on date nights.
• Kiss each other good morning and good night without fail. If a physical kiss is not possible, then make sure to send a message.
• Start your day by greeting your partner and never go to bed without talking to each other. 
• Never sleep without resolving a fight and cuddle often.
• Pamper each other with gifts not only on special occasions but even on mundane days.
• Celebrate the small thrills of life, appreciate each other, support each other and make sure to have fun.

Learn and grow continuously

A very important sign of a healthy relationship is that you both grow continuously.

The more a couple grows together, the closer they come. Trying new things and learning new skills can help in keeping the fire on in your relationship. Sharing experiences creates moments of belonging. It also helps in building greater trust and intimacy in a relationship.

There are only a few couples who consciously make the effort to grow together. Among most couples, the husband grows professionally and the wife gets promoted with new titles, like mother, mother-in-law, or grandmother. They hardly focus on growing together. 

In a healthy relationship, couples make an effort to uplift each other, morally, socially, physically, economically, and spiritually. You can join classes or do online courses together.

How to learn and grow in a relationship?

• Never put the burden of your happiness on your partner.
• Never bring them down by saying harsh words or breaking their confidence.
• Make them feel confident with your love.
• Push them outside their comfort level and encourage them to grow. 
• Join the gym together or go for walks in the evening. 
• Give them the space to grow. Being too needy or clingy can strangle your partner’s growth.

Develop a strong physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is a very important pillar in a relationship. 

However, most couples fail to understand intimacy. It does not just mean sex or foreplay. Physical intimacy can be just a kiss, a hug, cuddling or just holding hands it in the Street. 

A few days ago, one of my patients told me ‘I haven’t slept with my wife for 4 months’. It’s just been 2 years of their marriage and their interest in sex is already lost. The wife comes home tired after her day job and the husband does not find his wife much attractive. This is a big red flag that most couples fail to identify. 

 Some men tend to lose interest in sex with their partner after the initial years of marriage. This often leads to insecurities, unmet needs, and cheating.

Cuddling is proven to release oxytocin which calms you down and helps in handling stress. Several researchers have also cited the importance of healthy sex and how it benefits your well-being.

How to build strong physical intimacy between couples?

Physical intimacy may not come naturally to many couples; here are some steps to develop intimacy between couples:

• Take care of each other’s needs, not just physical but also emotional needs.
• Be open to experimenting in bed and make sex interesting. 
• Understand each other’s sex language too.
• Physical intimacy does not mean intercourse. Engage in all forms of physical intimacy.

Never speak badly about each other

This is one of the most important things that’s never said or taught.

Mutual respect between partners is very important to create a safe and secure relationship. Mutual respect does not just mean talking nicely to each other but it also means never speaking ill about the person behind their back.

Understand that nobody is perfect. Your partner is bound to have many shortcomings, but discussing their shortcomings with others is very disrespectful to them and to your relationship.

This does not mean that you cannot vent your emotions. You can always discuss things with your partner, but make sure to do it respectfully, keeping their growth in mind.

A young girl got married to a joint family and she had a habit of talking ill about her new family members to everyone. She chose her friends and maternal family to vent out. This created a very negative perception of her family and it impacted her relationships negatively. 

How to build respect in a relationship?

• Never talk ill about each other.
• Do not entertain gossip at the cost of your partner’s reputation.
• Disagreements are common but handle your disagreements respectfully.
• Always be kind and empathetic towards your partner.
• Take care of each other through thick and thin.

Balance your emotions

Unbalanced emotions can result in tumultuous relationships.

This is a very common belief that the right person can heal your bruised emotions and make everything right for you. But this is far from the truth. No other person in this world can help you deal with your emotions unless you learn to process them in the right way. 

I once met an old couple; the husband had bad anger issues which scared the wife. She lost her feelings and survived 30 years in a state of panic. Now, the husband is in his 70s, he has turned to meditation and yoga and has learned to manage his anger issues. But the wife is now diagnosed with cancer and the husband blames himself. 

Emotional management is essential in a relationship. Not just anger but you need to manage all your emotions like grief, jealousy, envy, and possessiveness. You need to be open about your needs and make the other person understand logically. Vulnerability is very important to build a strong relationship.

How can couples balance their emotions?

• Try yoga, meditation, or pranayama
• Consider couple counselling from time to time.
• Seek therapy to balance your emotions.
• Make sure to get enough sleep.
• Make each other a priority and shower consistent love and affection.
• Build a bond of friendship that’s open and welcoming.
• Be open and honest about your feelings.

Ayurvedic doctor’s opinion

Building strong relationship goals is very important for a successful marriage. You can start small and work towards bigger goals. Make sure to discuss your goals, visions, and desires openly. It is always better when partners share the same goals and values. However, also remember that people tend to change with age, so revisit your goals often and make sure you both are on the same page. 

Finally, don’t take everything too seriously. There will be times when things may not go as planned. You may not be able to buy a new car or book a new house; you may not get pregnant at 30 or make a foreign trip in a year. Be flexible with your dreams and goals; just make sure to have fun in all the bitter-sweet moments with your partner.